and I had to look away from that misty screen.
Scratching the tire track across my chest
I looked around the rest of the cloud
the others waiting in line were bored stiff
the angels were humming and giggling
and God was yawning.
Apparently, I wasn’t going to hell - hadn’t been naughty enough.
I wasn’t going to limbo, it was full, and now in heaven
it seemed that no one wanted me here.
I realised at that excruciatingly slow moment of revelation
that my life and I had been really, really boring.
I sat there thinking about all my special and unique
and good things and how I didn't feel I was any of those things.
The heavens must have been watching lives like mine
for infinity, just average, just normal, nothing special -
I imagined having to sit through an endless run of American
Based on a True Story made-for-TV films.
I turned my back to it all, too preoccupied
with my own life’s monotony to watch the movie of it.
But I couldn’t not hear, couldn’t get away
from that dull soundtrack.
I listened to the last few seconds -
a busy street, cars and people, horns and then a screech,
people screaming, a woman crying, then silence.
I turned to watch the final scene - a baby crawling
back into her mother's arms, then a fade to black.
I couldn’t remember what had happened,
but then I heard a choir of cheers and what looked like eyes
being wiped but staying wet. The others were all applauding
the angels patted me on the back, and among all the handshakes
I said to myself ‘I don’t understand’.
God put his hand upon my shoulder
He smelt clean, new, like a big bearded baby
and He said ‘Let me show you around.’